It's gonna be another ranting post, or maybe just thoughts. Feeling depressed? Girls usually thinks a lot isn't it? I don't care who disagree with me but I am one...
I seriously feels like emptying my mind. What's up with my life recently(encountered something unusual, fucking scary) a few months ago as well as the last few years? Seriously, I've been thinking very hard to think was it really my problem? Was it? Broken hearts and broken trust. What else in my life is broken? Yeah, even from the day I born, I came into a broken family. I shall see what does the future awaits for me, hopefully it's a bright one... Who doesn't wants...
难道我就像一颗树要雕琢成一个完美的作品, 必定要经过无数次火与刀的忍耐下才能成为一个完美的作品吗？
Just recalled what the teller told me....
I encounter all these for the first time and I seriously don't know how should I face it and what should I do except to think... Should I treat as nothing happen or this doesn't even concern me. Death, friendship, answers, and so many other things. No doubt I still miss XD, all the memories between us is something I will never forget....
Today when I was in the train, I recalled that day. Seeing all the fb post by his buddies. I hope it was all a joke. I plucked up my courage (aft 3mths not speaking to him) and called his mobile, seriously hope he is the one answering the call. Once I heard his sister crying... Tears rolled down my cheeks. I went speechless.... Some happy memories is something that will never happened again. So I learnt to cherish every happy moments. Laugh as much as I can, cause I will never know how many torturing things will happen in the future... I am more of the pessimistic person. Tried to be optimistic but well nothing seems to be going fine.
I remembered my math lecturer said why some people want to spend time on twitter, facebook or even blog, it's a waste of time. Perhaps youngster nowadays doesn't have someone to rant so social media like the above mentioned do helps, at least for me. After so many things happened in the past, I tend to bottles things up. I used to be that way, but perhaps XD actually forces me to speak or to talk to him and slowly I talk to people about my problems. Now? I guessed back to square one. The feeling is like, you can't even trust the person beside you. Ok, this might sound harsh but yah.. I prefer back to square one (doesn't really sounds good) or perhaps back to myself.
Spoke to someone, Z (random alphabet) recently. I am so called being forced to say something that I wasn't suppose to say. Instead I replaced all the answers with another answers but the story is more or less there... I felt guilty =.= of spilling the beans tho the actual answers are renamed. From Z, I knew a little bit of things which makes me feel uncomfortable with someone, G, whom I was close but not yet to be best friend. Well, just something else that make me see so much clearer cause that's not the only thing... I am disgusted with G, yes, this sounds very mean..... but... yah...
If Z happens to see my blog, I would say maybe Z should change the way Z communicates with people.. Cause it seems like people misunderstand Z for certain things. Well well, that's all about Z. LOL
After 21 years old, there seems to be lots of factors that I need to consider. Like my dad isn't going to give me allowance after this age, cause the court said that up till the age of 21. Tho I could ask from him and he will still gives me (sometimes) but still... For the sake of independent, I really hate to get from him. Mum also have her own liability and this month I really used up lots of her money. Maybe I should just really find another part time job instead of wasting time. I know that I'm quite a spendthrift if I didn't control myself... Just hope tomorrow someone will bring me good news about the job vacancy!
Many more but just these for the time being... I know I have yet to post my bestis Huiwen's birthday, my 21st and my cousin birthday to USS! Too many photos!! Anw, soon soon... hehehe
Ever encounter the above mentioned? Think about it.
Work tomorrow and I was asked to wake up slight early. So Ciaos!
